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A guide to goth dancing in the 90's


The Standard 3 by 3 Dance
 Look at your feet. Take three steps forwards. Take three steps backwards. Do stuff with your arms if you think anyone is watching. Repeat as necessary.



The Backwards and Forwards Dance - a la Eldritch
Like the standard 3 by 3, but sometimes you can pretend you've got a microphone and look away from it earnestly, sunglasses are a useful prop here! (You can look at your feet if you don't know what to do with your arms).

The My Little Pony
 This dance was invented by small girls with too many hair extensions and very high heals. All you can actually do in this state is twist your head and shoulders from side to side in time to the music.



The I can actually Dance
This is usually done by people who have imbibed too much of one substance or another, they actually dance like an ordinary human being. This either looks incredibly cool, or very stupid depending on how far gone they are and if they can *really* dance. Try moving your entire body in time to the music, rolling your shoulders and trying not to laugh.

Slamdancing
This isn't as common as it used to be, but just in case you don't know how, try throwing yourself suddenly backwards and then going beserk fists flying, haircut slicing off limbs and huge pointy boots landing on people. It's very useful on crowded dance floors, and if there are 4 or 5 of you, it's possible to make a nice big space to dance in. Handy Hint: try not to elbow any 6'6" Rastafarians in the stomach!

The I go to a lot of gigs' dance
Most common to SOM and NMA tracks, this dance involves knowing 'the actions' (ie when to throw one hand in the air - or both if it's the Army). This dance is often done by people who know the words to the songs as well. It is not common for people to stop moving their feet because they are too drunk/wired to coordinate their hands, and voice, and feet at the same time.

The JAMC sprawl
This song involves lying on the floor during Jesus and Mary Chain songs (or anything of that ilk, you never know, someone might still play them) and rolling around in a 'too doped to get up' state. Anyone who thinks it's funny to kick or tread on the dancers gets dragged down to join in the fun. This is a very useful dance if you need a rest, but shouldn't be attempted at any club where people spill cider and black.

The 'Right, that does it!'
This is a new one which involves the removal of limbs of indie kids who insist on waving their hair around on crowded dance floors (if I wanted a mouth full of greasy hair I would presumably have asked?!) It involves a can of hardrock hairspray, slamdancing with armour on, and a cigarette lighter.

The Chicken Dance (or Chicken War Dance)
 This a slightly more extreme version of Slam Dancing which involves dancing like a chicken and slamming using your elbows, forearms and fists. From close up it is very, very dangerous, from a distance it is very, very silly.



The Industrial Stomp
Place your feet shoulder width apart. Shake the top of your body violently from side to side in time to the music. Dance violently with your arms like a robot on demarol. Shout a lot.
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