A boy is at college and needs money and he can't think of a way to ask his dad so he sends this: $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= His father replies with this: Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad ---------------------------------------------- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house A 4 years olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room Baseballs make marks on ceilings You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old Duplos will not Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence Super glue is forever McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know Ditto Tarzan No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water Pool filters do not like Jello VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do Garbage bags do not make good parachutes Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving You probably do not want to know what that odor is Always look in the oven before you turn it on Plastic toys do not like ovens The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy It will however make cats dizzy Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry ------------------------------&#$%(*( 50 Things To Do In a Public Restroom: 1.Comment "Pooh, who did that?" 2.Complement people on their shoes. 3.Introduce yourself to the person in the next stall. Strike up a conversation. 4.Provide 'strenuous' sound-effects. 5.Ask the person in the next stall if there's anything swimming in their bowl..... 6.Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives. 7.Scream " Oh my GOD! What the hell is THAT?" 8.Simulate a drug deal. 9.Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects). 10.Roll Easter Eggs under the doors. 11.Start a sing-a-long. 12.Act schizophrenically. 13.Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy.... 14.Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman. 15.Ask loudly "When does the movie start?" 16.Write 'nerdy' graffitti like "Please wash your hands. Thank you." 17.Kick in stall doors, camera in hand. 18.Pour water over the stall door onto occupant. 19.Say "Oops... missed" while syringing water out around the bowl and under the walls and door into other stalls. 21.At night, switch off the lights. 22.Run around naked yelling "Where's the fish?" 23.Collect a door charge. 24.Ask "Is there a doctor in the house?" 25.Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing. 26.Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/river python/axolotl. 27.Write essay questions on the toilet paper. 28.Put cling-film (Glad Wrap) over the toilet bowl. 29.Offer refreshments. 30.Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sand paper. 31.Run in, yelling "Free Willy!" 32.Charge admission. 33.Electrify metal urinals. 34.Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl. 35.One word: GOLDFISH. 36.Make a jelly in the bowl. 37.Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags" as standard. 38.Remove stall doors. 39.Glue seat and cover down to bowl. 40.Place signs warning of 24 hour video surveillance. 41.Make stall doors lockable only from the OUTSIDE. 42.Put itching powder on the toilet seats. 43.Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl. 44.Replace soap in dispenser with custard. 45.Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available. 46.Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install. 47.Replace condoms in vending machine with tampons (or vice versa). 48.In one stall, attach the toilet bowl to roof. (Advice for young players: Don't leave the water in while you do this....) 49.Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette. AND LASTLY.... 50. put melted chocolate on your hands and then reach under to the other stall and ask..."got any paper?" ha ha ha